By KaonkayGamiton
The Sillimanch Administrasyonch reported the sudden disappearance of lapokwaters in this year’s Hibalagtch Boothch Festivalch due to “excessive A.I. use and abuse” by every soul at Sillimanch Universitych (SU).
Attendees raised concerns after the Hibalag grounds’ signature lapok-filled floor went missing and was replaced by a molten lava floor.
Board of Trustworthiness Chairperson Richard Baldibo Jr. said during a meeting at Niningtch that the University’s hidden water reserves will be redirected to cool overheated laptops generating A.I. prompts.
“We have nowhere else to get water from, nakuha na namo ang para sa flush sa cr and at the drinking fountain. The only choice we have is the lapokwaters,” he said.
Baldbido also said the water reserves were supposed to support the cloning process of former Sillimanch Universitych (SU) President Dr. Bettsy Cernal McCan but they had to prioritize the laptops after several overheated.
“Ang laptop mismo nangayo na ug tabang. We cannot let them suffer. The students can survive the heat, ang laptops kay dili,” he said.
Moreover, SU Studentch Governisment (SUSG) Preshidentch Zild Janetch The-Best said Sillimanianches prepared to be submerged in the lapokwaters like the previous year.
“Imagine, mo distribute unta mi ug free ice cream, 1000 rainboots, 2000 raincoats, and 3000 umbrellas tapos no show ra ang lapok? What the pok?” she said.
The-Best also said theyare considering distributing artificial lapok to disappointed students, although she has yet to determine whether it will be sourced locally or AI-generated.
“If A.I. can make research papers, pubmats, and designs for the concessionares during the HeeBaLog FesteaVal, then surely it can also make lapok,” she said.
The-Best said some students have resulted in sneaking in water plastic bottles, despite a plastic ban on the grounds, in an attempt to recreate the lapok experience for themselves.
Meanwhile, Baldbido said the Administrasyonch plans to implement a restriction to A.I. usage within the campus.
“A.I. is helpful, yes. Pero wala najud ta tubig sa campus bai,” he said.
Baldbido said the restriction involves enforcing a three-time A.I. generating a limit to each SU faculty, staff, and student each week, with a punishment of prohibition to drinking water for one week if beyond.
DISCLAIMER: This is part of the Weekly Sillimanian’s lampoon issue. Any real, semi-real, or similar names, places, people, products, services, and locales are used purely for satirical purposes, and the corresponding details are purely fictional.
