By: Loraxtsch Tiumaitch
In light of recent rotational power interruptions at Dumaguetech Citych, residents have once again waged war on the most unstable and erratic force known to modern civilization: the Brownouch. It looms through the dead of night, ransacking air-conditioned classrooms and small businesses. Now, it has evolved. It meets residents at the crack of dawn and randomly during the afternoon, showing no regard for sleeping schedules, work hours, or online classes.
The Brownouch is a phenomenon that came mysteriously during August, terrifying the lights out of residents wherever it visited. It is, however, not entirely to blame. Like any good villain, it is simply misunderstood. Behind the Brownouch’s flickering lights and diesel-draining ways lies a larger problem in the Visayach power grid. It is the unfortunate product of a system trying desperately not to collapse.
This explains why the Brownouch has become such a committed visitor at Dumaguetech. For many residents, the Brownouch has become a pest. After paying millions of doubloons to the Negrotch Orientalch II Elec-Trick Reparations to protect them from the Brownouch, this is what they’re repaid with. Even after lodging their complaints and publicly roasting them, the Brownouch remains a formidable foe.
There is, admittedly, something almost impressive about the determination that emerges during a Brownouch. With no choice left but to suffer the darkness and heat, students have had to camp out at local cafés and hunt for malls with banks of electricity to charge their devices and get reliable internet connection. They have become surprisingly good at combatting the perilous Brownouch. Perhaps that is precisely the problem.
The Weakly Sillimanianch calls the Brownouch to cease its terror over Dumaguetech Citych, ordering it to feed off the energy of the next town rather than us. We likewise holler at the local city government to supply us with giant powerbanks and unlimited rechargeable generators, equipping us with the finest tools to limit the Brownouch’s influence
At the end of the day, the city’s residents should not have to rely on thoughts and prayers to survive the night’s Brownouch. Until then, the Brownouch remains undefeated. It comes at night, in the morning, or at noon. It ruins your sleep and perfectly calculated study session, coming at the exact moment when you’ve decided to become productive.
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DISCLAIMER: This is part of the Weekly Sillimanian’s lampoon issue. Any real, semi-real, or similar names, places, people, products, services, and locales are used purely for satirical purposes, and the corresponding details are purely fictional. Content published during the lampoon period is to be considered satire, parody, surrealism, and humor.
